Hey guys! Its Vaanathi here. Sorry for no updates in a while, Reetu and I have been a bit busy, but we're back (:
I wanted to talk about something which I had to battle with during my trip to the UK.
HOMESICKNESS
This is not a joke and can seriously affect your psyche. It's not easy moving to a new country with no familiar faces, but I wanted to tell you my experience with this.
I have never been away from home and on my own before. I was at home for schooling and college (I studied in the same city and while I stayed in the hostels during the weekdays, I would always go home on the weekends). I had an amazing set of friends in college, who felt like family, so I never felt homesick. When I came to the UK on my own, it was a bit scary.
I was in the UK for over 3 months. I was here for PLAB 2 and then I stayed for a clinical attachment. I made some good friends during my PLAB 2 prep, but we obviously split up after the exam was done. I stayed with a family friend until my results were back. Now I know you're all thinking " Oh, she was never really alone then", But there are a lot of things that can cause mental pressure that make you just wish you were back home. It takes a toll to sit at home with nothing to do and nowhere to go. All of you who have been quarantined will understand.
The work culture I experienced during my attachment was different than in India. EVERYONE IS SUPER FRIENDLY HERE. Do not get me wrong! They are all approachable and are very willing to help you feel comfortable. But back home my colleagues and I used to hang out, talk, make plans for after work and the weekends. I didn't see this happening as much in the UK, it might be because many people are older, married, have other responsibilities after work.
I am an introvert and I do find it difficult to make friends with new people. I did start to feel lonely. I did not feel like I could connect with anyone. I was put in one of the short stay blocks in the hospital accommodation, unfortunately, I was alone in the accommodation as well. I was there for just over a month and by the end of it, I was really struggling.
(This is not to say all attachments are tough. Reetu had a great time at hers and made some good friends too!)
I felt I was all alone and had no one to turn to. The feeling of uncertainty with COVID-19 and the next step in my career. This year has been terrible for everyone.Yet I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it, as they would think I was being childish. THIS IS NOT TRUE. There will be people who say 'there's no such thing as being homesick' or 'you're an adult' or even 'just grow up'. Please don't listen to them. Anyone can feel homesick. Man or Woman, Young or Old, ANYONE. You may feel homesick after a week, or after a few months or even after a year. It is never easy. Please do not feel bad for feeling like you want to be home with familiar faces.
This all happened around March 2020 and COVID-19 was getting worse. India was putting travel restrictions. I had a huge dilemma as to whether I should stay in the UK or go back home to India. On one hand, I was not emotionally feeling up to staying alone for an uncertain amount of time, on the other hand, I figured I would get job if I stayed in the UK. Everyone gave me so many different opinions "dont travel during covid, come back home immediately, etc" But it was something that Reetu told me that helped.
She told me that yes, I may have a better chance at getting a job, but If I was feeling mentally stressed, then that is what takes precedence, If you can't do it, IT'S OKAY. AND IT IS OKAY. Mental Health is something we need to value. We push ourselves so much as physicians and sometimes we neglect our mental health.
I did move back to India. I was there for 7 months before I moved to the UK officially. I don't know if it was the right or wrong decision, but I am 100% sure that I would have gotten even more stressed and upset if I had been stuck in England all alone during the lockdown. I stand by my decision.
I have now been in the UK for another 3 months. I am definitely handling it better.
I moved here into a houseshare I found on SPAREROOM, I knew I wanted the company of roommates. I did not know anyone. I had met a few people via facebook via the IMG group, prior to joining. I did not know how to cook, and I had to quarantine for 14 days. The fact that I know I'm going to be in this job for a while has provided some stability. My housemates have been super nice and I am really lucky to have found them.
But what has helped me a lot is :
1. Making sure I talk to my family and friends regularly - usually whatsapp/video chats
2. I know it's tough making friends in a new country with a new culture, but give it a try. Try joining other doctors at lunch. Make jokes! Ask people what their weekend plans are. I have managed to make some work friends who have made me really feel at home in the hospital.
3. Make sure you have a hobby. (PS- this is what has led to our blog!)
4. Decorate your room. I bought fairy lights a week after moving in! Something that reminds you of back home. Favourite pictures? Religious artifacts? Favourite books! Anything that makes you feel as though it's your own.
5. COOK. I am slowly learning how to cook and it's a good way to socialise. I get recipes from my friends. Or I video call family while they tell me how to cook. It makes you feel less alone.
6. If there are no restrictions, I would say, EXPLORE YOUR CITY. Obviously right now, it's probably better to stay at home unless absolutely necessary. While Reetu was alone in London (prior to COVID-19) she used to grab her books and head to cafes. Bigger cities have the advantage of "being alone together" .
7. Buy some plants! It's nice to feel responsible for something. If you're like me and don't have a green thumb, try starting with some succulents or aloe vera. Reetu actually read a book recently where they had explained how the elderly in nursing homes felt better after taking care of plants/pets.
8. For some reason, scented candles have recently made me feel more at home.
If anyone has any more suggestions on what helped them, please do comment below!!
If none of this works and you are still feeling down, the best is still to talk to someone. You can always find people on facebook, or Reetu and I are always here to help! If that doesn't work you can always talk to a professional as well. It's a tough time, but you can get through it. And always remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
